Expanding Your Knowledge

When I mention the words ‘eating disorder’ people immediately think of Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia. But, it shouldn’t stop there. There are other eating disorders that are just as dangerous and life-threatening physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Eating disorders include extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding weight and food issues.

Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia nervosa is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss.

Bulimia Nervosa
Bulimia Nervosa is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by a cycle of bingeing and compensatory behaviors such as self-induced vomiting designed to undo or compensate for the effects of binge eating.

Binge Eating Disorder
Binge Eating Disorder (BED) is a type of eating disorder not otherwise specified and is characterized by recurrent binge eating without the regular use of compensatory measures to counter the binge eating.

Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)
A person does not have to be diagnosed with Anorexia, Bulimia or BED to have an eating disorder. An eating disorder can include a combination of signs and symptoms but not meet the full criteria. Read more about the individual signs and symptoms in this handout.

Obesity is something millions of people are struggling with world-wide. Many are quick to jump to assumptions and think this is due to someone who is ‘lazy, is lacking in motivation, doesn’t want to take care of themselves, etc.’ However, eating disorders and obesity actually share many similarities. It can be just as devastating and the underlying issues are often times the same. Just like other eating disorders, body dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, and unhealthy thoughts about one’s self are prevalent. Just because obesity isn’t always included when talking about eating disorders doesn’t mean it isn't a serious problem and it definitely doesn’t need to be ignored any longer.

Some exciting news is that new eating disorders may be added in the near future to the DSM-V! Many are campaigning to add the new eating disorders into the DSM-V which would mean MORE research funding and treatment for many. What a blessing this would be. CHANGES ARE COMING!!

Some of those include:

Disordered eating—Binge eating, Compulsive Night Eating, Obsessively Health-Conscious Eating, Diabulimia (people who have diabetes), Pregorexia (those who are pregnant). The symptoms of EDNOS (Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified) are also being re-looked at.

Several websites to further your knowledge on the upcoming changes of the DSM-V are below:

http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/Pages/EatingDisorders.aspx
http://www.eatingdisordertreatment.com/blog/new-eating-disorders-might-make-it-into-the-dsm-v

www.dsm5.org

New research is constantly being done by those who are passionate about this disease. It is being done by those who want to see change happen. Part of the FREED Act calls for more research funding. Right now the dollars allocated for eating disorders are minimal compared to other disorders. If you can believe this … here are there stats about research funding towards eating disorders:

Research funding per individual:

Alzheimer’s $88

 Schizophrenia $81

 Autism $44

Eating disorders? $0.93 = Insufficient!

“Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That is a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something that you ARE and it comes from the way that YOU think.”

National Eating Disorders Awareness Day 3

God is an amazing healer! When I lost my friend to anorexia on October 17, 2009 I questioned God even more. "Why would he allow the life of such an amazing young woman to be taken? Why not me? I had battled long and clearly didn't have the relationship with God." To this day, I believe her life saved mine ...

No matter how much I doubted Him, He never left my side. He waited for me. He loved me. He saved my life in July 2010 ... My relationship with God has since then flourished and I have seen the blessings and miracles in my life and in the lives' of others. His name is bigger than any other name ... bigger than any addiction, bigger than any eating disorder, cancer, situation, or struggle.

God has fearfully and wonderfully made each and every one of us and it is my prayer that each person will begin to see themselves as the amazing individuals they are. NOT because of what they look like but because of their amazingness on the inside. It is my prayer that you will walk out of the darkness and into the light because His name is bigger than ANY other name. There is no pit or hole dark or deep enough that you cannot be saved from.

Fear can be overcome by faith, hopelessness can be cast out by LOVE and through believing beyond what we can see, and defeat can be turned into victory!

It is my prayer that you will walk in freedom just as I do today ... that you will no longer be bound by the prison walls of the eating disorder and self-defeating body image disorders. It is my prayer that you will experience and truly live life each day. Be brave, be bold, be you!

Ephesians 1:18-20

I pray that your hearts will be able to understand. I pray that you will know about the hope given by God’s call. I pray that you will see how great the things are that He has promised to those who belong to Him.  I pray that you will know how great His power is for those who have put their trust in Him. It is the same power that raised Christ from the dead. This same power put Christ at God’s right side in heaven.

 

Ephesians 1:11

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.

No matter where you are today ... you do not have to remain. You are worthy ... you are loved ... you are enough! Be beautiful ... be YOU ... the real you! Not some you that society tells you to be.

THE
TIME
IS
NOW

TO
BE
YOU!

*** You are WORTHY ... You are ENOUGH ... You are LOVABLE! You are certainly worth the fight to freedom! So please, if you or someone you love is struggling .... seek help! You are worth it. You are beautiful because you are alive (for a reason!) ***

*Toll-free Information and Referral Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

Day 1 of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

Where there was once darkness, there is now light.

Where fear used to be crippling … love and hope now flourish.

Where tears and hopelessness used to be,

Now laughter, happiness, and life are abundant.

I choose to walk strongly through the seasons of life …

Knowing,

They are preparing me for the next.

Knowing,

I was fearfully and wonderfully made.

Knowing,

I am enough!

I have what it takes!
I am lovely!
I am worthy!

The prison walls no longer keep me bound.

I walk in freedom today.

Where there was once defeat,

There is now victory!

Like many, I thought living my life controlled by an eating disorder (yes, it controls us ...we are not in control!) was going to be it ... I thought that was all there was. I was told by doctors when I was young that this was just a phase, I'd grow out of it. Yet, when I didn't, I was told by a very well-known doctor I would never recover and I had better get used to living a life inside of hospitals.

I sit here today and am able to tell you that no matter how dark your current situation may be, a bright future CAN and DOES await you! I didn't get where I am today overnight ... recovery has been a long road and each day I choose to be grateful for how far I have come. I didn't go from hating myself to loving myself. It was a series of steps. However, just like love, SELF- LOVE has a way of finding you when you stop seeking it and start being it. And, if you (we) are willing to keep pressing forward and if we are willing to keeping believing (even in those darkness moments) God can and WILL reminds us that he will take our most challenging experiences and turn them around. He will heal the broken and use it to as our own personal ministry to help others walk in the light. Now, how awesome is that? 

Rick Goodwin reminds us: The first step towards creating an improved future, is developing the ability to envision it! What can YOU see? .... So, what is it you see in your future?? Are you willing to fight for it or are you willing to give up and let the lies of the enemy gain power?

What will you to today to break free from old behaviors, from self-defeating thoughts, and a life of unhealthy lies? Perhaps it is taking one thought and replacing it with something positive: I am worthy, I am lovable, I am beautiful, I am fearfully and wonderfully made in Him, etc. Maybe today will be the day your reach out for help or ask a friend to come hang out. It is time to get honest, be vulnerable (scary I know) and be real about what is going on. You DESERVE the freedom and to live a life of wholeness, health, and victory! No one should become another statistic of an eating disorder or self-hate!

I repeat again: You are lovable, you are ENOUGH, you are worthy, you are AMAZING just as you are!!! You are beautiful (both men and women!)

If you are concerned about someone with regards to an eating disorder and body image disorders, do not be afraid to tell them. You may be the person they have been waiting for; perhaps the first person to express loving concern to them. Even if they become upset at you, tell them. They deserve the freedom, happiness, and love that can only come through TRUTH, HONESTY, and by breaking down the walls of hopelessness.

"I am beautiful because I am alive." — with Kathleen MacDonald

::: What Is Love :::

What is LoVe? ...

I used to think that love was being accepted by the world around me. Yet, to be accepted I was constantly having to change what I looked like and essentially, who I was. In fact, I changed myself so much that I lost sight of who God created me to be. I had gone off trying to create a multifaceted identity that would meet the standards of a harsh, constant-changing society.

I had forgotten who I was ... I was not living simply ... and I sure wasn't happy ...

Thank GOD, God does not leave us where we are ... I remember thinking and wondering if my life could change. I never thought that I could look in the mirror and love the person looking back at me. I remember times when I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror and my dad would have to tape off the mirrors in our house! I compared myself, and ripped myself to shreds any chance I got. I had no love for myself and yet, I was giving/showing love to others beyond measure. Learning to love you, comes from learning to see ourselves through God’s eyes; realizing that He made us fearfully and wonderfully. We were not made by mistake or by chance. We were made with purpose and reason! We were made for God's Glory! Not society's! Once we understand and truly believe God's love [that is unchanging, never-ending, not based on circumstances, and always abundant], we can see the beauty in ourselves, in the most mundane of things, and even in our toughest trials; knowing that God's love WILL see us through. THAT ::: is LOVE! And remember, God doesn't make junk! Never has, never will!

What About Finding Someone To Love And To Love Us Back?

If you are like me, I look around and a good majority of friends are either in long-term relationships, getting engaged, married, or having kids ... then there is me ... none-of-the-above! I could sit here and wonder what is wrong with me, say all sorts of unencouraging things, beat myself up, compare how my path in life must be 'off,' or become hopelessly depressed about love! ....

Sorry, I am not about to do that! Sure, I get down, I don't get it and hurt my head trying to figure it out, and I think how nice it would be to have that special someone to share life with, yet I come back and ground myself knowing that I don't want to rush into anything, again. I am not perfect, far from, and I have made plenty of life-learning errors (some which I still make daily)! Yet, I know that God is not only NOT done preparing me, but I truly choose to believe that He is still preparing someone for me.

I know God is preparing someone who speaks the same love languages as me (I HIGHLY suggest reading "The Five Love Languages" SinglesORMarried Ed), respects me, shows love not just by words but, in actions. Someone who is not just in the relationship 'part-time' or because it looks good ... No one wants to be an arm piece or someone that 'looks good to bring home to the family.' God is preparing someone who loves me, flaws and all. He is preparing someone who values trust, honesty, respect, love, passion, hardwork, faithfulness, and who realizes the smallest things often times make the biggest differences.

For me, I know I want someone who is going to add to my happiness, who is going towards the same path in life that I am, who has a heart after God, is passionate about life, and wants to a difference on a daily basis. The closer I draw near God, the more I realize and recognize the qualities and characterisitcs I am looking for in a significant other. Yet, I always remember that the preparation begins with myself, my heart, and my relationship with Jesus.

I am learning more about myself and the way in which my past has affected my relationships (with men, women, friends, significant others, etc) and much is being worked on (perhaps for a follow-up blog). For me, God is bringing these painful, yet thought provoking events of my past back into my present in order to create change, growth, and the opportunity to draw nearer to Him.

Do you find yourself in a rut of certain relationships? Why do you think that is? Take time to evaluate your heart ... Ask God to reveal the answers to you. Do you feel like you always have to be in a relationship or feel you are getting in relationships for the wrong reasons? Ask God to fill your heart with His love. His love is the only PERFECT love and the ONLY love that can fill any void in your life.

As we let God pour His love into our heart's daily our ‘love buckets’ will never run dry. As we learn to let God’s love run through us, we learn to see ourselves as the beautiful, amazing, unique masterpieces of God! Spread God's love and joy to those around you ... fill their 'love buckets.'

God is LOVE ... and YOU are LOVED!!! God sent His beloved Son to die for us so that we could know what TRUE love is... WOW! That thought puts me in awe each and every day.  

Here are a few more thoughts/quotes on relationships and love to live by and never forget:

Relationships should be built on love, honesty, trust, and effort ... -Me

Given the right situation,any 2 people can fall in love, but marriage requires far more than love to work ... -Rick Warren

We should regularly examine the condition of our heart & make the necessary adjustments so that we do not drift off course from our destiny ... -Christine Caine

People don’t need us to “fix” them; they need us to love them. Let God’s love transform hearts & His Word transform thinking! ... -Victoria Osteen

When people really love you. They just love you... -Charlotte Gambill

"Early love" is all about how someone makes YOU feel. "mature love" is meeting the needs of someone else ... -Holly Wagner

Love is more about giving than receiving, is more about being for the other than seeking others to be for you!! ... -Liana Stamati

The phrase “I love you” can never be heard enough. Speak life to your family & loved ones today & every day of the year! ... -Victoria Osteen

Efforts at improving relationships should not be ignored! ... -Caroline Leaf

“God IS love” The only reason u can love is u are "made in God's image” If God wasn't loving,the universe would be loveless ... -Rick Warren

Find someone who can change your life, not just your relationship status ... Amen to this!!!

I sure don't know all the answers. None of us do. The beauty of Jesus is that He never asks us to figure all of it out! He just asks us to TRUST & allow Him to walk side by side with us ... You are loved.



The BEST Is Yet To Come!

 

 

Happy New Year! Can you feel it?!! This year is going to be amazing! 2012 is full of PURPOSE, passion, FAITH, peace, LOVE, & God's Grace is all over each & every one of you! This is a year of RECOVERY & GROWTH! Old doors have been closed & God has prepared new doors to be opened; full of endless possibilities & opportunities!

As you reflect back on 2011 with a grateful heart, in what ways did you experience God's Favor as He blessed you? What were your favorite parts of 2011?!

*God blessed me this year with being able to reach out to others who are struggling in their faith, are in the midst of fighting for their life from the bondage of eating disorders, & those who are lost in other trials of their life.
*God blessed me with so many wonderful & amazing people this year! I have the best family, friends, & acquaintances I could ask for! I am eager to "meet" all those to come in my future!
*God has blessed me with another wonderful church (Grace Community) where I continue to strengthen my FAITH & grow in community.

*I have been blessed with making priceless memories & strengthening relationship with my family each & every day. As well as being able to enjoy more time with my niece, nephew, & brother.

*God blessed me by using all things for the good in my life, as I experienced many trials & challenges. He never once left my side, calmed my worries with peace, & filled my heart with hope & love.

*God continues to bless me each day with LIFE! I am blessed to be in RECOVERY-LOVING LIFE-SEEING BEAUTY ALL AROUND ME-AND-NO LONGER BEING IN BONDAGE BUT, IN FREEDOM!

*God blessed by closing doors & opening others; while teaching me along the way.

*The list could go on & on & on... =)

 

Favorite Highlight From The Year:

**There have been so many amazing things that have come into my life & that have happened. However, I must say that the biggest thing I have been blessed with this year is being able to say, "YES, I do love the person I am from the inside out! I do love the beautiful person I SEE in the mirror!." Thank you God for bringing me clarity & removing the darkness from my eyes! **

As 2012 approaches, everyone rushes to make "resolutions." I don't believe in making resolutions. I believe in making it a year of doing the things you love and asking God to reveal His Purpose for you each step of the way! Be willing to step out in FAITH! Make this a year of unstoppable growth & a year for blessing others. Make this a year you will NEVER forget!

This is a year of replacing fear with FAITH, doubt with TRUST, lies/false statements with God's Word, & lighting the darkness with HOPE.

 

Make this a year to be EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE AND WHO GOD MADE YOU TO BE! (not what others or society wants)! EXPECT BIG THINGS!!! I know I am! Remember, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." [Philippians 4:13]

#The.BEST.Is.Yet.To.Come! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

♥ Kaylin ♥

 

 

εїз GeT OUT oF tHe DrIvEr'S sEat εїз

YES!

I’M FEELING…

 

EMPOWERED

DETERMINED

And,

UP FOR THE CHALLENGE!

ƸӜƷ  I am beginning to think I may have to switch career paths and become a lawyer. I have a soft, but assertive voice; a kind, but upfront demeanor; and can easily dress the part. I am definitely persuasive, convincing, and can make the truth into a lie, or a lie into the truth (however I want to look at it!). I can also pull information from all angles; even ones a person would generally never think about! My mind works in a multi-tasking fashion, while staying very organized and detailed. Now how's that for selling myself??

☀ Eh, I think I will stick to my heart-felt passion and purpose. ☀

For 2 months I have made pro and con lists, have journaled, analyzed what I would be gaining and letting go of with each choice. I have taken into account the weather, jobs, school, family, friends, church, my recovery, any worries, fears, anxieties, relationships, the "what ifs," and yes, even past events.

I had been feeling far more stress, anxiety, worry, and felt like my heart was on speed. I felt like I had come to a wall; a stopping point. Why? Because I was too busy trying to build my own road, with my own rules, and my very own landmarks. I was in the driver seat and flying fast; not noticing the sign that kept appearing over and over.

Despite the many attempts to admit the truth, I kept turning the other way and saying "Okay, why is this so hard? God, give me a clear message; provision to what your Will for me is." What I didn't realize was that it had already been presented. I just needed to be willing to get out of the driver seat, stop, shut up, listen, and see what had been in front of me this entire time.

My Message: "You are done growing here in California, for now. You learned not only how to love yourself, but to let others love you. Your Faith has flourished beautifully and will continue to serve you well. All of the healing and growth that was necessary has been fulfilled here, at this time. You had to grow here in order to grow somewhere else. You are now ready for a new season; a new chapter. You are ready to be planted where you can now flourish where you once could not grow. There are doors that need to be closed; others need to be revisited. This is by far going to be one of the hardest seasons yet in your journey. Remember to walk by Faith; not by sight."

YES, this was what I need to hear, to feel, to think. My anxiety, my worry, my fear, and my frustration melted like ice on a summer day. Of course this is going to be difficult process. Certainly getting everything in order is...did not like having to pay $30 extra for a dumb computer glitch for my car transportation and am certainly not enjoying the idea of packing, finding a cheap flight, leaving my amazing home, a roommate who is irreplaceable, the church/church family that changed my life, or my beach. 

However, those wonderful friends who I have met out here are now in my life, there are other churches, I have amazing friends/family in the Midwest, and the other things are superficial. If I am really desperate I will just have a beach room. There are so many new opportunities for growth coming my way. I am not afraid to take this leap of faith. I feel strong, confident, and able.

I love that God doesn't' give me anything I cannot handle.I love my new found confidence, self-respect, and purpose driven life. I am on a path; a path where there are limitless possibilities.

My amazing roommate/friend gave this gift to me on 7-19-2011. It was perfect: The message, the symbols (butterfly + hope), and was just so thoughtful. I love you Lori!

"Living Victoriously is about choice when facing a difficult journey. It is a state of mind not bound by circumstance. It’s not about living a life without trials and tribulations; it’s about finding the riches that are hidden within them. Living Victoriously speaks to joy despite hardship, unrelenting hope, a courageous spirit, and enduring strength a grateful heart, a humbled soul, an unexplainable peace, and undeniable faith."

ღ The PaTh of Life ☀

FINALLY! I have been writing this blog, deleting it, and re-writing this for several days now. However, I think I needed the time to let the process play out a bit more before I put the laid out the words.

Sometimes, I wish I had a map of my life. I could pick which mountains and hills I wanted to climb; choosing the beautiful, more scenic routes. I could choose to cross the calmer waters of the ocean, rather than the roaring high-tides. I could even choose to pick the sunny areas so I would not have to see a dark cloud in the sky; Just rainbows, butterflies, dolphins, and brightly colored flowers.

If I had this map of my if I often wonder if I would use it. Perhaps. However, the more I think about it the more believe that God would choose to place me elsewhere out of purpose and love. He would put me on paths that are both scenic and dull; Somber and peaceful; Bouldered and flowing. Why? For growth, healing, depth, and to strengthen my Faith in Him.

In a devotion I read yesterday on June 16, 2011 I was reminded of that "fork in the road" decision making process that often leaves a person feel torn:

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

JEREMIAH 6:16

With Me, you can recognize a crossroads when you come upon it, instead of rushing past  the choice-point without even noticing. If you are unsure which way to go, pause and wait with for Me. Trust in Me to show you the way forward in My timing.

If you follow these instructions you will not only walk in the good way; you will find rest for your soul. I know how weary you are and how desperately you need soul-rest. Even when your body is still, your thoughts are not. If you want My help in taming those thoughts, bring them to Me. I already know what you're thinking, so you have nothing to hide. You need to wait for My Presence, giving Me time to help you think My thoughts. Though you may feel as if you're wasting time, you are actually doing the opposite. Your steps will be fewer but you will accomplish much more, for you will be staying close to Me--the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No matter how strenuous your journey, you can find soul-rest in My company.

- Jesus Lives (Daily Reading)

My sporadic move to California has been absolutely amazing. YES, even the extreme lows of  not knowing anyone at first, not having a job for 5 months, getting in a car wreck, while not having a place to live, and driving around with barely enough room for me, because I had "my life"  packed in my vehicle. Most people who think these things are terrible and would definitely not associate the word "AMAZING" to them. However, I do.

I learned to become very humble; quickly. I learned to gravitate towards church, my faith, God, and the amazing connections I was making. I found peace in prayer. I learned to become extremely resourceful, brave, and created the foundation of footwork in this current season and path that I had been placed on. I learned what it truly meant to be patient, forgiving, and grateful. Most of all, I believed. I had many people back home saying to just come home, but my response was: "Nah, everything is going to be okay. This is not in my timing; but in His timing." From there, I began to see the blessings come.

Now, I am at another crossroads in my journey. I am now a year stronger in recovery and have a love for life that I have not felt before; or perhaps that I had just long forgotten about. On July 7, 2011 I resigned from my job due to the dysfunction, un-organization, and mostly because as an employee I could not continue to work somewhere that was not beneficial to my recovery, values, or mission. I resigned without having a job lined up; which can spring financial fears into action. However, I know that like the other times, everything will be okay.

My heart is being pulled towards heading to Nebraska. I have family here, I will be finishing school here, and there is much healing that needs to be done there; which I haven't been ready for in the past. However, I COULD put all that off until next Spring, find a job in Cali and stay here. Yet, I know my heart (at least some) would be elsewhere. I mean come on, I have flow back three times in the last year and two of them were for the munchkins (niece/nephew) birthdays. I love my family, what can I say!

Being human and 22, I have confided in those around me. Some have given me direction and have gotten on my level and support me no matter what decision I make. Others have acted like the know what's best for me (sorry, you DO NOT). Then, I have some who think it is an unwise move to make. The ones who feel it is unwise are saying this out of fear; fear for me. I validate and understand why, but I also feel it is very black and white perspective they have.

Perhaps I should just go by what my niece and nephew think: "Come back and live with us." Hah. Their world is so simple. I love it!

On July 15, 2011 I thought I was 99.999999% sure on my decision, stared at the "submit" button to have a spot held so my car can be transported (yes I did eventually click it), felt good about the choice, and now I am wavering once again. I am about 80% positive the weather plays a BIG factor in this, WHICH can not be the only thing I factor in...or could it?! Snow? Beach/Sun?? HM...

This is a bigger decision than most people realize. Especially those who may not completely understand it. Since a very young age I have not been able to get/stay healthy when I live in Nebraska. So, although I am far stronger today, there is still hesitation inside of me. In Nebraska: the program for school is there that I plan to attend, my family, close friendships, and relationships that need to be healed are there. Also, winter is there waiting for me. Sadly. Here in California: Fabulous friend I am living with, great home, the beach, several wonderful people I have met, and a good church.

Whatever decision I end up making is not based on others, what they think, what they want, or by trying to make me think I am making the right/wrong decision. I do not believe there is a right or wrong decision; Not if you are following your heart.

I have truly not allowed myself to be anxious and filled with fear this past year; despite everything. However, I have noticed that my stress is up, my heart feels like it is on speed, and even things with my health have changed; including weight loss WHICH is not the plane here. HELLO! My metabolism is on race-car speed. This here, is what I DO have control over.

A quote I wrote the other day that sums up my thoughts about heading to the Midwest are this:

"It takes courage to embark on a path that was once all too familiar, yet seem like the very first time. It takes a great amount of willingness to remain humble and teachable; to keep opening new doors, while closing others; and to keep moving forward, even when exhaustion sets in."

~Kaylin Ohler

My solution? Enjoy each day. Keep putting the footwork in on both ends. Pray. Write. Read. Pray. See what door opens in this next week. If GOD wants me to stay then He WILL provide me with a means to do so. If not, He will continue to guide me in the process of being an amazing packer as I move to an entirely new season of my life.

I know that He will provide as long as I remain teachable, humble, and listen. I have been reading His perfect words each day in some of my devotions and it is amazing how each one fits so perfectly with my current situation. Just like yesterday's devotion:

Go with the Flow

by Joyce Meyer - posted July 17, 2011

Brethren, for this reason, in [spite of all] our stress and crushing difficulties we have been filled with comfort and cheer about you [because of] your faith (the leaning of your whole personality on God in complete trust and confidence).
—1 Thessalonians 3:7

Go with the flow, and stop being anxious about things that may never happen. If you really trust God, you don't need a backup plan. Faith means that you have peace even when you don't have all the answers.

Life will always be stressful if you constantly try to rearrange it. Grow in wisdom, and place high priority on keeping your peace in spite of any jams you get into today.

Two other devotions I am trying to live by are:

A Little Faith:

"I say to you, if you have faith as mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." --Matt 17:20

The faith of a child is a beautiful thing. Children love their parents and trust them with their lives unquestioningly. Children always believe their parents are doing what's right and best for them.

I know I am a child of God, so why don't I trust him? I want to dig down deep into my well of faith and relax in the love of my Father.

If there are things in my life that keep me from trusting God, I will work through them so I may be free to draw on his strength.

"Lord, here is my life; I put it back in your hands. Teach me; guide me; love me." I will take my little mustard seed of faith and let it grow into a field of flowers.

Lord, let my faith bloom in your love.

Devotion #2

To believe in a higher power is to trust that our lives have purpose and meaning, that events don't happen randomly but are part of a coherent pattern.

Looking back, we see how the pieces of our experience fit together. If today, when we are presented with what may appear to be an inconvenient, if not absurd, situation, we can have faith that it is part of a larger, meaningful plan.

We may not like what's going on. We may be in circumstances that are tough to handle. We may feel sad. But, in recovery we have turned our will and our lives over to the care of a power greater than ourselves, we can be confident that today's challenges are for our growth. Time may be required before we fully understand the lesson in today's events and see what they are teaching us. Even so, we can accept the challenges in good faith and meet them with inner strength. We can be willing to grow along spiritual lines.

 

Everything is going to be okay...

The Perfect Message

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Prov 3.5-6

Yes! Everything happens for a reason. I believe it whole-heartedly.

The first day that I am able to attend a wonderful service with my friend Lori the message that was spoken filled me with peace, comfort, and love. It also tugged on my heart to do some soul searching.

Rather than being able to search my heart I was found myself making up excuses, trying to take back the control, post-pone the decision making process, and was allowing my mind to fill with a “hot mess” of thoughts.

The message in my words:

Many who know me will always hear me say, “Everything happens for a reason.” The pastor brought a very interesting twist to this statement by saying that it has almost become a cliché to many. What is it for you? For me, it is a very true statement that I believe, follow, and live by in my life. I believe that things happen (good/bad/expected/unexpected/happy/tragic) and you or I may never know the reason why. What if we never find out some of the WHY’S of the world? I personally know that I am okay with that. Many of these events are “behind the scenes” situations that will, one day reveal the purpose. It could be 20, 50, or 100 years from now. Nothing is done without purpose.

Many of us (I did too at one point) think that we will only be able to be at peace, happy, and content when we get our questions answered. No, I (you) have the ability to find peace from within despite the circumstances at hand. Nothing is possible when you walk in Faith. Just because we cannot see a reason doesn’t mean there cannot be a good one behind it. God doesn’t have to “check-in” with us to make sure we are “okay with the plan.” We have trust in Him and learn to:

1.)  Obey in the dark. Even when things seem to be getting worse I must continue to walk in faith and not by sight. God knows what is best.

2.)  Outlast your critics. There are always going to be those who try to “rent space” in my mind by making me question my decisions, my faith, and my foundation. I have to continue to be true to ME and the direction in which I am being led.

3.)  Go and wash. Often times I have to wash my eyes and heart with the word of God. I come up seeing so much clearer when the Truth has been spoken. I must remember that just because I cannot see a reason it doesn’t mean there is not one. There is. There is a peace that comes through understand this.

The purpose and plan for ME (and you) is not random or senseless. It IS full of purpose. Sometimes we get nothing we asked for yet, we get everything we needed.

This is what I believe. These feelings and thoughts could not have come at a better time as my path is being tested (just when I want to shout “give me a break already!!!!!”) I just continue to follow….I tried to cover it with a band-aid but there is a reason my heart is being pulled. There is a question why these feelings remain. There is a reason why these thoughts keep coming back up. It is not random. It is a part of the plan. It is not in my timing. It is in His timing.

I am grateful. Ready to conquer the next chapter in my journey..."She who is brave, is free."

PuRpOseFul JoUrneY

Our heart, our choice! ''Guard your heart above ALL else, for it determines the course of your life.''~ Proverbs four twenty-three NIV

Perfect Devotion for The Day:

DRAW NEAR TO ME with a thankful heart, aware that your cup is overflowing with blessings. Gratitude enables you to perceive Me more clearly and to rejoice in your Love-relationship. Nothing can separate you from My loving Presence! That is the basis of your security. Whenever you start to feel anxious, remind yourself that your security rests in Me alone, and I am totally trustworthy.

You will Never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in my control. Instead of striving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in greater depth and breadth. I long to make your life a glorious adventure, but you must stop clinging to old ways. I am always doing something new within My beloved ones. Be on the lookout for all that I have prepared for you.

ROMANS 8:39-39; PSALM 56:3-4; ISAIAH 43:19

As I look back on the year, it is a bitter-sweet experience for me. My eyes still sting with tears as I look back at images portraying the past. The occasional nightmare that wakes me in a cold sweat, a panic from memories of unpleasant place, or what could have been if I hadn’t chosen a healthier way of life.

The tears are not from being ashamed or embarrassed. They are from sadness. Sad that I didn’t care enough about myself all those years and nearly allowed the lies I believed to nearly end my life. I have never been much into gambling but, I sure played a dangerous game of Russian Roulette.

There is sadness because there are so many others (millions) who battle the same struggle or something similar. Yet, they keep heading down that dark, winding path. They keep taking that same road in hopes of a different result. Yet, the result is the same each and every day. It just gets deeper, harder, and you sink faster.

What did it for me this time? After thirteen other treatments what made this fourteenth time the "ah hah” moment? Some people say they have that “moment” when they know. For me, it was a series of events: my niece and nephew making comments about my dwindling appearance, waking up after passing out on the floor, and the biggest shock factor I will never forget.

What would you do if you looked in the mirror and saw yourself yet, someone else’s facial features too? What if the features were from the day you went to say your last goodbyes to a beautiful friend who lost the battle with anorexia? What if those features were from the day that you looked her for the last time? That was what I saw…that would be me if I didn’t change. I knew what I had to do.

That leap of faith I took on July 5^th couldn’t have happened without some amazing people in my life. I had to be willing to surrender if I wanted to live. I had to be willing to go off my “perfectly planned” life and “just go with it.” I had to be willing to WALK IN FAITH. I had to learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortable. I had to see light in the darkness. I had to learn to embrace the unknown journey’s ahead. Thank you Jesus! For never giving up on me, for giving me the strength to make it through, and for giving me my life back.

My life is not perfect today. I make mistakes, I fib because I am a people-pleaser, I am not always upfront, I sometimes act before I think, and I get insecure (rare, these days!). I deal with rejection, uncertainty, and uncomfortable decisions. I second guess myself and I am learning to be in healthy relationships again.

I am also in a transition that many would be fretting about. But, I am not! (There will be more to come on this situation as it unfolds). Is it wrong that I am excited, happy, and hopeful? No, because I have faith. I said it from the beginning, “everything will be okay” and I still believe this whole heartedly. I am allowing my heart, mind, and spirit to just listen; to be.

I have an appreciation for my body. I am grateful that it allows me to go hiking, to walk along the beach, and to feel the sand on my feet. I love that I have eyes that allow me to embrace the beauty of the magical sunsets, the dolphins swimming in the ocean, and vibrant flowers. I love that my body allows me to embrace hugs, smile, and laugh until I have done full ab-workout (even done that?!). Thank you, thank you, and thank you!

I have loved California, but I believe my time here is coming to an end for now. There is more for me to do, somewhere else. In order to grow anywhere else, I had to grow here. I had to be raw, cut open, and made vulnerable. The tears, the sweat, the physical and emotional pain has all be endured with a purpose; one that I am GET TO understand more each day.

A special thanks to ALL my family and friends who supported, encouraged, and never gave up on me. Iora and Kirsten Haglund who made it possible for me to go to California and who supported my decisions along the way. The Victorian and their phenomenal staff. Nathan Stratton for always believing in me and buying my ticket to Recovery in California; you are amazing and I am blessed.

Rachel GraberPfeil who has been my best friend since we were wee ones and who never gave up on me. Newport Church and SISTERHOOD who gave me my renewed my faith, blessed me with amazing men/women, and forever changed my life.

The Pile family for supporting me in more ways than one and for being there during some rough times; I love you. Linda Wetzel for never giving up on me and working with me endlessly through it all; you are an angel. My family….you are all amazing blessings and I am so grateful for you. My cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, and my shining stars: Rowan and Zoey.

To all my friends and my current roommate Lori! There are so many people to name!!! You know that each of you has a very special place in my heart. Every text message, late night phone call, email, snail mail, and just the love…it has meant the world to me. I feel like I should go through and name everyone…but I think that would need an entire book for that.

I love my life. I am so grateful. I laugh and smile more than I ever have. Life can be so  amazing; even in the hardest times. I have pep in my step. I have my sparkle back, my quirky laugh. I deal with rejection, uncertainty, and uncomfortable decisions. Thank you to those who inspire me to keep going. A special thanks to Andrea Roe who inspires millions each day! Andrea, thank you for doing that interview with me in March and for just being so wonderful!

Thank you to God: For never giving up. For guiding me (once I started listening), and for blessing me unconditionally each day.

Recovery is amazing. Life gets better each day. I become stronger. I am so excited for the journey to come.

Beautiful flowers from a great friend who remembered. Thank you. My most favorite flower was included; The Magenta Dahlia: Discovery, Dignity, Self-Respect, Worth.

The key to happiness and fulfillment is not in changing our situation or circumstances, but in trusting God to be God in our life.

-Joyce Meyers

"Recovery itself is a very un-glamorous daily process of being willing to fall down again, to break again, to cry again, to get up and try yet again until 'success' manifests as ever-greater sustained healing."

A look back at the year from July 5th 2010 to July 5th 2011: